This is a tough one, its also very subjective but here goes...
1- Choose goals that are realistic. You can have dreams but these are not to be confused with goals. They are linked yes but goals are practical things, acts, efforts. Dreams are more than this and come from goals
2- What Goals are important and which ones should be avoided. If it is your goal to be happy then this is probably closer than you think, but because you feel unhappy these negative thoughts cloud the issue. If happiness is being content then you can be happy now. Yes you may have goals but they don't need to take over every minute of your life
3- Avoid thinking about what you have not managed to do and think about what you have done. This could be a holiday that you enjoyed. Think that you will go back someday, you can start planning goals to make this happen and this will make you feel happier
4- When evaluating whether you are happy are you able to differentiate between happy and ecstatic? If not then you are over analysing happiness. It certainly is not getting high on drugs because there is always a come down after, so drugs give a feeling of ecstacy or even contentment, but if this feeling only lasts as long as the drug then this is not you, its how you want to be but feel that drugs are the only way out of misery. Instead look at ways into happiness. Really contemplate this.
5- Don't worry about what you cannot control. This does not mean just take crap off people but it does mean understanding how to deal with it and how we can change it. People will always try and wind us up, especially when we feel or look weak or run down. Remember that in your darker moments you do the same to others and by understanding their behaviour, your empathy will bring you peace, which is an integral part of happiness.
6- How to tell what dreams are false. 'I want to be a millionaire' is a dream but what would you feel like if you had millions? Often when I think about this I realise that money really is only about security. Security is obviously important but it is not essential to be happy. Maybe a real dream would be 'I want to be financially independent' This is a goal that is real and can be achieved by most of us if we work toward which will give you security which will help you feel at peace which will in turn help you feel happy. But many people are happy and own nothing and this is not false either, they align their happiness with life as lived as opposed to life as others want to live. So it depends how high you aim and how low your threshold for unhappiness is. You have to start thinking about what you define happiness in your particular life. Only you can do this.
7- Have you abandoned religion and feel like you lost something? Well you did. You lost the sense of community that religions bring, a sense of belonging and with people to fall back on in hard times. Can you think of things that you are passionate about that you could share with others? Can you find friends that do or think like you that can help give you that support network that your family can not always fulfil. Happiness is definitely linked to other people. We help each other. We are stronger together and we are weaker when we withdraw from social activities. Share your time with others, help a charity and you will feel your head lift a little.
8- Never judge your future on your past. The fact that you make a mistake one day does not mean you will make it today. Happiness is linked to your ability to build on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. If you find it hard to do a task that you need to do, practice and feel accomplishment when you succeed. Helplessness and misery come from getting into negative thinking patterns. I surprised myself the other day when I did a task I find difficult and got it right. This made me realise that my inability was mostly in my head, knowing I could improve made me happier. We can all improve and if you are at rock bottom then you will either stay there or you will improve. As you learn to improve you gain happiness through increased personal strength
9-Love your family, You may have let them down or they may have let you down. Beginning to accept that you are human will make you happier. Spend time with them doing quality things like going out for a walk or coffee. Don't spend dead time watching TV with family all the time, this leads to drudgery and taking family for granted. To be happy we should feel that we are doing our best in family life and that we belong and are loved. If you are not loved, share your love and people will respond back. This will increase happiness.
10- Keep trying to achieve your goals but don't try to be happy. Happiness is so linked with all the things and people in your life that it is bound to fluctuate but remember to build on your successes and learn from you rmistake's when you can. Don't judge your happiness by others lives, this is very very important.
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